Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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