I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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