There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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