Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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