i permit you to call me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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