lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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