Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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