I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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