mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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