So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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