Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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