dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
