I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
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we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I did not marry a roomba.
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