she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize