i just wanna soil my oats bro
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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