You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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