Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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