best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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