What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
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Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize