he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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