I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
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Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize