He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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