we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
