obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize