oh god the rape fog is back!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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