Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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