I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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