marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize