i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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