P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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