She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize