I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im six kinds of drunk right now
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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