You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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