mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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