he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
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He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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