I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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