Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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