She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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