Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize