Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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