The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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