fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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