mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize