what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
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I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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