My first STD was from a foam party
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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