I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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