Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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