My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
there is glitter all over my balls
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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