you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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