Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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