she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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