Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
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bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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